Sunday, October 10, 2010

Little Red Riding Hood, Fractured Fairy Tail #1

Little Red set out to visit her granny

Her grandmother had been ill recently, and Red thought it her duty to check in on her

It was getting dark, so she hurried as quickly as possible through the forest

All of a sudden, a hideous creature sprang out in front of her....a WOLF!

Little Red collasped in fright, and stammered "My! What big ears you have!"

Then she cowered, and squeaked

"MY! What a big nose you have!"

And then, as the wolf bared his teeth, she screamed, "MY, WHAT BIG TEETH YOU HAVE!"

Then the wolf's tongue snaked out and LICKED her!

Litte Red couldn't help but giggle...MY, what a big tongue he had!

She started to think, it really was a rather cute little wolf

Plus, Granny always had liked pets!

Surely they could train it not to eat people...maybe only nibble a very little bit!

So off they headed to Granny's, Little Red and Little Black Wolf....

and they MAY have lived happily ever after!


Hansel and Gretel, Fractured Fairy Tail #2

Once upon a time, there were two poor little children named Hansel and Gretel

Their parents could not feed them, so led them into the forest to die

There lived an evil witch in the middle of the woods

who just so happened to like the taste of children

She spied Hansel and Gretel wandering lost through the forest

She thought how yummy they'd taste, and decided to lure them to her

knowing that no child can resist candy

Little Gretel saw the witch with the candy...

Oh, what should they do??? Gretel could almost taste the candy

Gretel drew nearer to the witch, unable to stop herself

"NO!" Hansel barked out

"Don't take the candy from her!"

"There's a much easier way!"

"Today is Halloween...we can go Trick or Treating! You go around knocking on doors, and people you've never met before will give you tons of candy! It's quite the racket!"

So they both set out to go Trick or Treating

And they got far too much candy, and lived happily ever after except for the stomach ache from too much sugar!  BURRRRRRRRRRRRRP!!!


Cinderella, Fractured Fairy Tail #3

Once upon a time, there lived a girl who was at the mercy of her evil stepmother. This girl was called Cinderella

Her stepmother made her sweep the floors, day and night, which was really quite tragic as she had terrible dust allergies

Cinderella wished with all her might that someone would come and save her from this dire situation

When, WOOOOSH, all of a sudden her Fairy Dogmother arrived!

This came as quite a surprise to Cinderella, because she had not realized she had a Fairy Dogmother

"Oh PLEASE, Fairy me from this horrible plight!", Cinderella begged

The Fairy Dogmother agreed, "This ghetto chic look really isn't working for you!"


Cinderella felt something very strange start to happen

Suddenly, she was wearing a beautiful gown, dressed just like a princess!


"Oh, thank you, Fairy Dogmother-but now that I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go, what shall I do?"

"You shall go to the Royal Ball, and meet a handsome prince and marry him, of course!", her Fairy Dogmother explained

So off Cinderella went to the ball, and she DID meet a handsome prince,and they danced the night away

But when the clock struck midnight, Cinderella had to run away, that darn Fairy Dogmother's magic only lasted for one night!

The prince had fallen desperately in love with Cinderella, and went out searching for the beautiful girl who had lost her glass

The prince told Cinderella, "The girl who fits this glass slipper shall be my bride!"

Cinderella tried the slipper on, but alas, it didn't fit...dogs don't wear shoes!

Cinderella was humiliated, but then began to think

The prince was a very good dancer, but really wasn't her type of guy

She went over to the prince's footman who was her type, and very well bred

It was love at first kiss, and they lived happily ever after


Sleeping Beauty, Fractured Fairy Tail #4

Once upon a time, there was a queen and
king who longed for a daughter

Their wishes were granted when a beautiful princess, 
who they named Aurora, was born to them

They gave her Christening Party, 
and invited everyone in the kingdom to it
Everyone, that is, except for the evil witch
The witch did not take this kindly, and crashed 
the party and put a curse on Princess Aurora
"This child shall fall into eternal sleep if she ever pricks herself on a needle!"
The king and queen were terrified of losing Aurora into an endless sleep, so sent her to live with three kind fairy dogmothers who lived deep in the forest
There was Flora

and Fauna
and Merryweather

They promised to protect her and removed all sharp objects from their cottage
Aurora grew up and was well cared for, until one day an old woman
showed up on their doorstep when all three fairies were out
Aurora answered the door, and the old woman told her she 
was a travelling seamstress looking for work
The woman asked for work to do, and
when Aurora brought her things to mend
she was pricked by the old woman's needle
Aurora instantly collapsed into a deep and dreamless sleep
out of which they could not awaken her
There was only ONE way to waken Aurora, 
and that was by true love's first kiss
One day, a young prince found the Sleeping Beauty
He bent down and gave her a gentle kiss
Aurora's eyes slowly blinked open,
and she gazed up at the prince
And then she shuddered
This prince was a DOG!
Couldn't his parents afford orthodontics?
She decided she could really do much better 

and closed her eyes

and drifted back to sleep